Monday, November 12, 2007

Being "mummy" and "daddy"

It is a fact of life that once anyone becomes a parent, they are refered to as "daddy" or "mummy" instead of any endearing names previously rendered after marriage!

Perhaps it is that the title "mummy" and "daddy" holds greater weight than perhaps any "dear" or "darling" will ever carry. Or perhaps it is the first effort to teach the baby the word mummy and daddy. It is, after all, recommended in any child teaching books to constantly refer to each other as mummy and daddy instead of using names or any other terms. And the term just gets stuck on even though the baby is not around!

I found this "name-calling" an easy change actually. But I come to realise that it is not just the names calling that needs to change. TALK after all is the easy part.

The hard part is the action that comes with it!

When you are no longer just a wife, you become a mother.
You are in a family, not in a two-some relationship.

When everything you do you have to consider the child first.
When you are no longer first, but second.

For people (like me) who require "some" attention (haha....not the best thing to admit), it can get quite hard taking in this change in ACTION.

But like in all things, there is a middle path, I guess. Where the road between husband and wife remains strong. And a third flyover is build on top of this road for the child.

Hopefully in the attempt to build the flyover, we road builders do not neglect to maintain the original road. Or we concentrate so much on beautifying the flyover, the original road is a pale comparison to the flyover.

Life is frequently about lessons, isn't it. About changes and adjusting. About communication and working things out.

Did parenthood hit you as "hard" as it hit me?

One morning's thought, one rambling moment.....


simon said...

wow... very profound...

Kathie "Moomykin" Yeoh said...

Well said. Parenthood is all about making sacrifices, but they are worth it. Think of all that our parents did for us, aye?

Don't ever let go of your relationship with your spouse, or you will have a big gap to bridge when you face an empty nest syndrome 20 years from now.

We refer to each other as Mummy and daddy to help our kids refer to us respectfully. Sometime Micah picks up on me calling Mike "Dear", and he will talk to his daddy and call him "Dear". Actually, when he was about 17 months old, he had already established that. I noticed when we were singing the do-re-me song, every time we say "...a female deer," he would shout "Daddy!" Pretty funny and cute, I thought.

Hooi Imm said...

Parenthood is a great responsibility.

I remember the first week after the baby was born, I was so sleep deprived that I wanted all of it to go away. Of course I didn't mean it.

Btw, we don't refer to each other as mommy or daddy. Hubby still calls me 'Honey' :-)

JLow said...

My 3yr old has called me:
- dear!
- uncle john!
- Daddee!

I was at a work-related leadership seminar yesterday. One speaker said something so true. He said, "Parents are the greatest leaders in the world".

It's struck me that all the management talk of leadership by example, management by objective, etc, all hold true for our kids too. They watch every move we make, every decision we make, all the reasonings we use, we are supposed to have all the answers, that our answers are supposed to be it. We are (at least for the first few years) their universe & everything they know about the world starts at home with us: How we treat the elders, how we interact with our siblings, how we love our spouse.

Parents are the very first role models of couplehood. It is only later on in life that they may decide if they liked what they saw, but they HAVE seen it.

Ann said...

Simon - profound thoughts hit me most in the early mornings after my boy's feed.

Kathie - Micah is so adorable. I guess there is nothing wrong with them picking up endearing names we call our spouses huh!
And I think sometimes I think too much about the come-what-may (20 years later scare) that I cannot appreciate the moment. But always good to keep in mind the consequences....

Hooi Imm - I know what you mean. You are lucky your hubby still sees you as "honey" and not "mummy"!

Jlow - You are absolutely right. Though a scary one. Sometimes I am so afraid I will screw up!

Anonymous said...

Hi Ann, Two months already! Be proud of yourself for a great super mummy and wonderful wife. I'm sure you are :) From nadda