Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Having Seconds....

Hahaha....this is not a food related topic! What I am refering to are children!

Many of my friends are at the age where they either just got married or just had their first child. Some blessed few are into their second or just have had their second (accidentally!!!).

This topic came to mind actually when my colleague (who just gave birth to her 2nd child) and I talked about the 100 days restrain (from being sexually active). Both our mothers warned us many a time to wait until the 100 days are up before any engaging is to be done. It makes sense actually since we do have to wait for some parts of our body to heal.

Personally, I am paranoid over the episotomy stiches!

But I think (after the conversation) that it is not the 100 days that is the concern. It is the months and months of 'no-no' after that. When intimacy still remains zilch coz your body feels too tired, baby takes up all your time or just 'no mood'!

There are forums (I google searched this as well!) discussing this issue!!! It is not a joking matter or an uncommon one! There are wifes who get turned off after giving birth as they remember clearly the pain when they were giving birth. Some just had their libido turned off since labour!

The act of sexual intimacy between husband and wife after all is one special thing (and I think the main thing) that draws the couple closer together. I presume God never intended sex only to be performed for the sole purpose of having children! But it does look like many are only succumbing to sex when they are ready for their second/third..etc.

If you have an excellent babysitter, I reckon it does get a wee bit easier since then you can go out on a date with hubby the whole Saturday! But if you do not...and worse still if you have a hubby who works seemingly 'all the time', what do you do?

So, how does the intimacy survive after kids? How long did it take before you felt your marriage was on the right path again? How much effort does it take for you to go on a date with your spouse?

This is very personal....share only if you want to, though I wish you to!


Hooi Imm said...

Actually, I haven't heard of the 100 day thing. Here in US, the OB will tell you, no sex for 6 weeks.

That is the time frame needed for the episiotomy wound to heal and also your uterus to contract to its previous size.

My wound has healed and tummy was flat by 6 weeks but I was still very very tired as I was nursing Olivia.

It was a very long time before hubby and I became intimate again. And yes, hubby worked a lot, even on weekends.

In our case, not being physically intimate has not affected our relationship and I think the last time we went out for dinner together was almost a year ago...yikes! It was 2007 Valentines Day and I was worried about the baby the whole time.

Hubby did say he wants to go out for dinner (just the 2 of us) one of these day....we'll see *sigh*

JLow said...

Well, Wife works hard and works late. And this Daddee has already grown accustomed to seeing quite little of her during the week.

On weekends, we welcome the time off so much that we end up doing quite little also; maybe the odd midnight movie together.

Daddee is also one who enjoys being with his 3yr old daughter, and finds "satisfaction" in the time spent together. (so much so that he's not been going to the gym after work!)

We've just had our second one, and I can attest to your premise; since there was little time for recreational activities (a la 'without "purpose"'). The only activity then was when there was a "purpose", from which he is now just over a week old.

Assuming we do only stop at 2 kids (I actually want 3!), it will be interesting to see what happens now that there is no purpose anymore!

Kathie "Moomykin" Yeoh said...

We try to hit the showers together as much as possible. That is if we can escape from the boys for 5 minutes or less. Real action mostly on weekends.

Maybe it's a little easier that only one spouse is working like no-day-or-night, but there is a lot less action than before, and a lot less than we desire. (Btw, the boys sleep with us.)

100day abstinence.... can't remember about that now. It has been 2 years ago and I was totally preoccupied with the 2 boys.

Ponytail said...

My wound was quite bad. I think I had tear apart from the episiotomy, which both the gynae did not explain to me. I still wonder why. I was bleeding and needed to see Dr. Fong till almost end of 3rd month (weekly). So, mine became automatic 100 days la..hmmph!

For us, we forgot all about intimacy cause we felt soo tired all the time. I think it took us 6 mths + before we remember about our life before baby ...hahaha

Most importantly, I think we need to communicate with each other about our expectation on that important intimate part of our life. Then, I think we can always work it out hor...

As for me - "No accidents pls! Pregnancy is a scary journey for me!"