Wednesday, March 18, 2009

When sorry is the hardest word

I feel rotten.

Lately I have been seeing some frustration sympthoms again.
And for reasons I am wondering why he allows himself to be frustrated.

For example, he will scribble on the Doodle but when he reaches the edge of the board, he gets a bit frustrated that he cannot continue. Coz it is after all the edge and the limit of the board.

If I see it, I will have to explain to him and he will either throw the Doodle away or try again somewhere in the middle.

He doesn't have alot of patience.
And he is at a crucial stage of testing boundaries.

Most of the time when he wants something he cannot get, I will hold him firmly and look at him and explain. Most of the time he can accept and move on.

But there are also times when he cannot. And when he needs to release frustration, he no longer bangs his head. He releases it on the adults - as in he will hit me. He doesn't hit daddy though.

Most of the time when he hits me, I will hold the hand that hit me and flick it and tell him he cannot hit people. Then I would ask him to sayang (love) me back.

Most of the time he will hug me afterwards and his cries of frustration will temper down to a sob.

Yesterday my babysitter told me he hit her also. And when she asked him to say sorry, he said No.

Maybe it is time I teach him the word "Sorry" instead of asking him to just sayang back. He will be going to school soon and I cannot afford hearing "What do you teach him at home?" again.

Once is enough....but it sure makes me feel rotten.


Cuddly Family said...

yeah it';s the age of "frustration" and "Tantrums".

Sorry and sayang will work but if he persists, he has to stand in a naughty corner. if he hits or is naughter after two warnings, he has to go stand in a corner (find a specific corner that's the naughty corner), and "think" about what he's done. A min or two at most. Cos of his age he may try coming out, but keep at it with a firm voice.

No toys in that corner (otherwise not punishment haha) and if he keeps coming out etc, no sayang for him. Sometimes it can take all your momma strength not to sayang.

j1 and k have wicked moments of tantrums. j2 rarely had them, even when younger. He prefered to go to his own lil space (still does) and pout. haha His way of showing frustration was biting! (ouch).

long reply haha keep at it hun HUGS


Oh dont feel sad. My lil one is doing exactly what yours is doing now .. just that mine is even worse! Just did not blog about it .. hahaha. I am praying taht its just a phase. I also did what you did .. hit his hand, correct him, ask him to say sorry but most of the time, he just pretentiously cries out loud and wants me to hug him, then he stops. They are smart.

hissychick said... have a normal healthy toddler!

At this stage we can only model appropriate behaviour and guide them in the process of emotional regulation. They are not little adults, they are children who have just discovered the power of the word no in helping them to have some control over their universe LOL

Uncle Lee said...

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.

Children grow up, mothers learn, ha ha.
Have fun, and keep well, Lee.

Baby Darren said...

He is at an age of exploring and more expressive with his emotions. So you will start to see more of this characters as he grows.

Come to hitting people. Yes..I think you should start discipline him at this age. I also agree that you have to get him to say "sorry". At one point, Darren was like that too but not too frequent. I hit his hand back (some disagree with this method) and explain to him that he can't hit people. I think this is part of the growing up.

Don't be hard on yourself. He now can understand, this is when discipline comes in...

LittleLamb said...

He must realised that he did wrong, n why u punish him. i'm not sure about the "immediately" thing.. whereby you said, if he hit u, u hit him back, n then ask him to sayang.. too fast a chain reaction ... i would allow some buffer, let say after 5 mins, then only sayang back.

anyway, its part of growing up.. n someone even once told me, he even learn more "bad" stuff at school.. such as shouting, screaming, snatching... so i m keeping my finger cross that God will guide him. and God will definitely be with u too :)

Angeline said...

sounds a lot like my Binbin in the past. Binbin bangs his head too, loses temper like the whole world owes him an apology... but it was patience and love that stopped his 'violence'. Yes, he hit everyone too when he is pissed, even occasionally now, but lighter and "sorry" is said immediately after the hit was made...
its like, he just need to vent it out, but he knows its wrong, that's why he says sorry almost immediately.... I'll always speak to him after a hit was made, and the little guy have his reasons, which infact are pretty valid most of the times, so we just avoid doing those things....

andrewjune said...

oh no...he used to bang his head?

lately rachael is giving me "dagger stares" at me...she has yet to hit me...but she cries too easily if we dont gv in *sigh*

sometimes i just ignore her but when her cries get louder, hubby will asks me to attend to her of he will does it himself...

i try not t gv in so easily but looks like hubby "terlalu manja-kan" her...ayo!

Moomykin said...

Oh, I so know what you're going though.

Micah was like that. It even happened at a park where some older kids accidentally bumped him and he fell and he got mad and wanted to bang his head on the floor. It's very emotionally trying and draining to cope with these kinds of strong emotions in our little ones.

Don't give up on telling him the same things again and again - the correction and affirmations. He will eventually get it.


4malmal said...

parenting is the toughest job!
lots of tender loving care and patience...I am sure all will turn out well, it's part of growing up.