Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A Hesitant Entry

I was very uncertain about writing this post. I had wanted to for a long time now...since the feeling started. But well, something stopped me. THis feeling leaves me very very vulnerable, very open to criticism too. And looking at the 2 scenarios, it would certainly spell disaster.

In my previous post "Waiting till it aches", well, I was not really talking about my job.

Although my job is the deterring factor that is causing me to have to wait.

I yearn and ache to hold a baby again.

I wrote in my comment....The feeling hit me like an old friend giving me a surprise slap on the back. Sudden. And on a bright cheery morning. And the mark remains. The reminiscing begins.

The extent, the depth, the hollowness, I have never really experienced.

You will say "I've got boyboy."

It is true. But.....

8 comments:

Angeline said...

is there more than meets the eye?

after one has been promoted from a woman to a mother, the urge to hear more 'Mommy' calling, the urge to smell that baby-fragrance, the urge to cuddle a little one in the arms...enlarges...

what's the 'real' reason that's holding you back from allowing yourself to satisfy that urge?

hissychick said...

I knew that this was what you were talking about..I remember the feeling all too well myself.

Why should anyone criticise you?

Wanting children is a primal thing, an instinct, far stronger than the rational brain. Don't fight it, feel it, and then think about it.

Good luck with whatever you decide, when you decide it :)

Jaanvi said...

What is actually holding you back? I just congratulated one of my friends on being a mom of two and I can really hear the tinkle in her voice indicating how happy she was...

Ann said...

Holding me back is the fact that if I deliver in Feb or earlier, I would be on maternity...and would prefer not to be stressed out with job interviews and all that then. Also may need to be called back to office or do some other paper work....

Prefer to deliver when I know my job is secure and I can go on my maternity leave with ease of mind.

of course....it all boils down to choice.

LittleLamb said...

for me, i will never have a chance to have a baby again UNLESS a miracle happen which i'm doubtful...

u should go for what God can give you. Do not be anxious and leave your worries to Him.

Cuddly Family said...

i know this feeling very well :) I may have three boys but Im still broody for the "last" one. And it is The LAST one. I pengsan, Im almost 36! lol

Go with the flow, there's never a perfect time to have kids wor. and a 2-3year age gap is a nice one. Well,work from home? do something else so u can work from home? job is one thing, kids are a lifetime. :)

but thats me lah LOL jangan marah ye?

FAMILY FIRST said...

As woman and mothers, we have to make sacrifices I guess. It would be good if we can just quit the job and lead a fulltime family life but heck no, we need $$$ right? Hope all will turn out for the better for you soon.

Julie said...

Ann, I agree with your comment. And I think that if possible, we should plan our pregnancy with God's blessing. I don't want to spend my maternity leave having to work from home or receiving annoying calls from office either.

The most important thing is pray for God's grace and willing. Ask in His name and He shall provide.