It was really all work and no play.
I did not really look forward to NY initially. Blame it on the kids. But I knew the real reason was that I felt I was no longer as competent as I used to be. Blame it on the kids, really, and their causing me lack of proper sleep which was affecting my memory and my ability to react appropriately at the confidence-giving speed. I was really in a comfort zone. I was good at running a home more than giving opinions in public.
And that is what NY really is about, at least given the reason I was there this time round. There were some 30 odd people from different parts of the world gathered in one room for a session on training the trainer. Many were loud and opinionated. And some who were soft yet still made a point. I did not have a point to make and I was quiet. That literally puts you out of the map in the workplace in NY.
Frankly, it was depressing. I listen better than I talk. And I think longer than I should.
Then I overcame my jet lag and had more strong coffee and loads of Chai tea.
It was a whole new ballgame being in NY this time, leaving 2 kids and a house. I never knew work could be so fulfilling as well. And that I actually miss being in the game. I am so used to being sidelined that I had grew moss just sitting down. I realise I miss running around.
So, I can't say I was happy to be home.
I love being a mum. I love being with my kids and hubby and taking care of the home. But I am also afraid of who I will settle back in to be when I am home. I will miss the confidence that comes with being pushed to talk more, say more, listen and think faster, being asked and being listened to.
I begin to see myself moving to NY and working it out fine.
It was a whole new NY perspective this time round. Change due to being a mum, change due to the unchange happening in my duty station. Is the comfort zone always a bad place to be?