Sunday, September 8, 2013

One time forever

Now if you ask Caylee "Do you want to go to Ipoh with Kung kung and Poh poh?"
Her answer will be "NO." And if prompted further, she will ask if kor kor is going, mummy is going etc.
In fact the other day when kor kor says he wants to go to Ipoh, she told kor kor "Please don't go. I will miss you."

Despite it all, there is strength in the core family. And that is the way it should be.

So for the week and a half from end August to Sept 2013, I had a brief 'respite' from Caylee. I can safely put the word respite in inverted comma because I realized that despite all that Caylee is, she is a great help and cure to me.

She mothers me as much as I mother her. The day she came back, she checked me out and 'sayang' all my cuts and bruises. Cocked her head to one side and asked me "Pain ah mummy?" My heart literally melted.

And she needs me as much as I need her to need me. Perhaps in my heart she is still my little girl and I know one day she will be old enough to reject me. But as of now, she needs me just enough. Not too much that I find her a chore. She is rather independent in that way. And she tries very hard to get things done by herself first. So much so, you really gotta smile at her efforts. And helping her complete the task she could not complete herself becomes more a relief to me than anything else.

I also realized that no one feels the same way about my daughter. Most of the people who have come in contact with her for a longer period of time find her a cry-baby and too stubborn a child. Stubborn I would say to the point that she means what she says. And she is able to act according to what has been said. So, as much as she wants to go to the playground, she will not go. And she is happy to stay at home since she could not finish her breakfast as requested. And she couldn't finish her breakfast because she said she was full.

For a girl, in some ways that is a good thing. I have never felt this friction before. I reckon it's because Caylee and I have different dynamics.

When Caylee was away, I also realized one more thing - that I become quicker to respond when Christopher is being taken away from me without my permission when we are OUT. I actually do not mind him going away with his uncles - although I can't say that ALL of his uncles are the most dependable to take care of Christopher. However, I hate it when I turn around and find him not where he is supposed to be - either sitting down quietly or eating his dinner.

So all in all, I think I am glad that her "NO" to go back to Ipoh is so resounding. When she is away, there is no significant relief for me. Instead it becomes harder for her grandparents. So it's a win-win all round if she just stays by my side.

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